Joy Takes Time

This morning Emma wanted to ride her bike to school.  I told her okay, but I groaned a little inside.  It would take longer and it's hot out there.  Couldn't we just take the car?  When lunch was taking a little longer I was hopeful that the bike ride was out.  Nope, we still had plenty of time.

We pulled our bikes out of the garage and headed up the road to school.  It wasn't as hot as I'd thought.  It was exhilarating to race down an incline with my little girl next to me.  We stopped at corners and checked for cars.  Emma chattered on about how good she was at riding a bike and how sometime I would let her ride her bike to school alone.  Hmmmmm.  I don't think so.

When we got to the school I showed her where to put her bike and then I gave her hug and told her good-bye.  I wanted to watch her go inside so I stood next to my bike watching.  She turned around and waved and then walked backwards waving the whole time.  Just as she was getting to the door she started running back to me.  Did she need another hug?  Finally I heard her shout, "Just go, Mom!"  Oh, I guess it was time for me to leave and let her walk into school by herself.

I didn't want to ride bikes today.  I wanted to quickly take Emma to school and run my errands.  It was much more efficient that way.  However, today I discovered again that joy is rarely experienced while being efficient.  Joy comes unexpectedly and it's usually when I slow down and do something that takes a little more time.  It was nice being out in the sunshine with my girl.  It felt good to move my body and feel the wind on my face.  I felt a lift in my heart and I probably would have broken into song if my life was a musical.  Yes, joy takes time, but it's worth every extra minute.

The Happiest Day of Our Lives

August 11-16, 2014
Dear Family,

Cute Kindergarten Girl

Monday night Harold placed his hands on the heads of each of our children and gave them blessings. Each year we follow this same ritual. Serene faces, bowed heads, each child, youngest to oldest, waiting for their turn under the gentle touch of their father's hands. I don't know that any of them will remember what was said, but I think they'll remember the comfort of that blessing before they start this scary new school year in a new school.


I've been to some of the most sacred places on earth. I've stood atop Mt Sinai and watched the sun rise. I've spent quiet moments in the Garden of Gethsemene and the Garden Tomb. I've walked in a quiet grove where a young boy saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. But that night my home was as sacred a place as I have ever been. Sometimes it's hard to feel like this new house is home, but that night as we sat together and listened to these blessings it felt like home. We are beginning to make memories here. We are beginning to create space for the sacred here and it feels like we are home.

One afternoon, Emma and I were peeling and cutting peaches so we could make some hand pies for the kids after school. She stood next to me on a little stool cutting the peaches I'd peeled. “We're having the happiest day of our lives!” she exclaimed. It was true. It was the happiest day of our lives. This summer has not been Emma friendly. I've been so busy and preoccupied with moving that I haven't spent a lot of time with her. It was sweet to have the afternoon together, just the two of us.

The next day she was so excited and nervous about going to school. She had her outfit picked out and knew just how she wanted me to do her hair, two braids. When I took a picture of her in front of the house she asked if she could take one of me too. I did one happy and one sad. The true picture was the sad one. I thought I was going to be okay, but when I took her into the classroom I started to tear up. I nearly ran to the car so I wouldn't start blubbering in front of anyone. It's silly, I know, but it marks the end of such a beautiful, important part of my mothering life. I know good things lie ahead of me, opportunities I haven't had before, but it is another good bye, another ending for me and it hurt my heart. I suppose I should just relish these afternoons to myself and I'm sure I'll come to love them. But, for now I need to mourn a little that my babies have all moved on. The next day when I dropped her off she didn't want me to go into the school with her. I sat in the car and watched her walk to the door. She turned around and waved and blew kisses and then she was gone. Oh my, how can I bear it? I'm so grateful for this little girl. I'm so glad God let me have her. She is a blessing in my life.

A Fairy Picnic

Yesterday we had our last fairy picnic in the fairy meadow. We took our neighbor friends who had just gotten home from visiting cousins. To get to the meadow we cross a sheep bridge built across the Teton River. As I stepped off the bridge an old feeling from my childhood washed over me. It was a feeling of anticipation that some wonderful pretend was about to happen. I felt that way every time I imagined anything magical. I like to believe in fairies and pretend with my children. We spread our blankets under a big tree on the edge of the meadow. The younger kids ran immediately to the fairy tree, a big pine tree whose branches spread so wide and hang so low that they can hide and play underneath them. It was in that tree many years ago that Sarah and her friends found fairy treasure on her birthday. Everyone loves a fairy picnic. It's simple, just rounds of baguette, crackers, cheeses and meat. Fairy cakes finish it off, their just Ritz crackers sprayed with whip cream and heaped with berries. Silly, but fun.

 After we were done the children ran down to the river to build fairy houses. I almost wished we were camping so they could have spent all the time they wanted. The older kids were ready to go well before the younger ones were done. Emma had a total meltdown when I told her it was time to leave. She'd built one house, but was working on another that wasn't finished. I probably should have helped her more with the second one so she could have finished.

Building fairy houses

The finished product.  She's hoping her fairy friends love it.

These girls are such good friends.  They have so much fun together. 

I love this sign that one of the boys made.  It says FARY.

I caught McKay pretending something.  He'd just jumped off a log and was in his own little world.

These guys are best buddies.

Hiking Horeshoe

On Thursday we took a hike together up Horseshoe Canyon. Joshua built bridges up there last year with his forest service crew. Ever since then he's wanted to show us what they did. It was a hazy day, but a good one for hiking. I armed us with hard candies, snacks and water. I wasn't sure how far it would be and how the kids, especially the younger ones, would fare. They were all troopers.

 We stopped and had lunch at the first bridge and it wasn't much further to the second. It was so beautiful. The meadows were full of flowers and I especially loved walking through the dappled shade of the pine trees. It must have been quite a task to haul the lumber up that trail to build those bridges. Those were long boards! Josh seemed really proud of his work and I was glad that we could make the hike part of our final weeks activities.

 Emma had a hard time making it back to the car. She was tired and hot. We were way behind the rest of the kids, but we finally made it. She walked every step. I was so proud of her.

Good Friends Take Time

It takes time to make true friends. It takes years. It doesn't happen overnight. I fully expect to have lots of friends in Fillmore. But the establishment of solid, trusted friendships just takes time. On Monday I went to breakfast with my friend, LaNice. I was assigned to be her visiting teacher 4 years ago. I knew her, but not well. For the first couple years I felt like she was testing me. She'd say shocking things and sometimes I wonder if she wanted to see if I would go away. I didn't. We've spent time visiting, sewing, laughing and crying. Right after we found out we were moving I went to see her and she sat me down in her big, comfy chair and covered me with a quilt she was finishing so I could mourn for a minute. She showed up a few days later with that quilt so I could take a bit a her love with me.

Tuesday we headed out to Rexburg so I could visit with my friend Suzette. We met in the gardens at BYU-I close to her gardens. I took the kids with me, thinking they would enjoy exploring the gardens while we visited. I was wrong. The hovered close by the whole time. Still I got to hear about her joys and struggles with being a new wife and mother. I got to share some of my secret struggles and joys. We've been friends 20 years. It is nice to have that much history with a friend.

Emma had the camera while we were talking and took all kinds of pictures, including these ones.

That same day we met up with Debbie as well. We only had about a half hour with her, but it was wonderful for all of us. Debbie is my friend and the wife of my doctor, the one who delivered four of my babies. They moved from the valley several years ago. To the children, the Debbie and her family are magical people. They know how to have fun and keep a little childish joy in their lives. In true fashion she took us all to get a frozen butter beer. Who else, but Debbie would do such a thing? It began to rain so we sat in the car and visited for a few minutes. Our short visit left us with a little of the happy magic that comes from being around Debbie.


The next day my friend, Dana, stopped by because she was going to be gone this coming week. She was my first friend in the valley. She is my mothering friend. When our children were little we did a lot together. We talked through our mothering difficulties, shared things we'd found to stretch our incomes, and had several of our babies at the same time. She and her family have been so important in our lives. My younger children know her as their school counselor. She saw McKay through some rough spots in 2^nd grade. She's been there a lot for Harold as he went through hard things during his counseling years. Our visit was short that day, but behind it was a rich legacy of love.



That afternoon I went down to my neighbor and friend, Avery and sat on her porch one more time. We've spent many summer days in the shade of her porch. We've spent hopeful spring mornings there and mellow autumn afternoons. We've shared the stories of our lives, crisis of our faith and encouraged each other in our journey. Her children have been good friends to my children.

Friends are so important in my life.  Something happens when you are far from family.  Your friends become your family.  It's just what happens.  Leaving these friends feels like leaving family.  I'm so grateful for good friends and the blessing they and so many others in this valley have been in my life.