Will You Cuddle Me?

My cuddly McKay

"Will you cuddle me?" McKay asked as I got up to leave his bedroom after cuddling Emma.  Cuddling Emma was a way to get her to sleep in her own bed to begin with, but now it is part of her bedtime routine.  Only recently have boys begun to ask if I would cuddle them too.  I tend to groan when I am asked.  I just want to be done with them for the day.  I want to go have my own quiet time.  Yet, once I have their little heads lying on my arm and I hear their breathing begin to slow I am filled with so much love for them that the trouble they caused me through the day is quickly forgotten.  It's a forgiving time for us.  They want me close to them, forgetting my impatience and angry looks.  I, in turn, forget their tantrums, whining and petulance.  For a moment before falling to sleep, we remember how much we love each other.

So tonight I climbed the ladder to McKay's bunk and snuggled up next to him.  Until recently, I only climbed up to him when he was frightened, to put him back to sleep.  He is my child who is most easily frightened.  I am careful about what I let him see knowing that if it is remotely scary I will bear the brunt of middle of the night wakings for several nights.  For instance, just a couple weeks ago his class went to see the Christmas Carol put on at a local theater.  That night I heard a panicked scream from his bedroom.  I found him sitting in the middle of the room with the lights on.  He had managed the lights, but his fear wouldn't let him make his way to my room.  That night I had tried to persuade him to sleep on the floor next to my bed so I could still sleep.  But, he just needed to be close to someone.  For both our sakes I scooted Peter over and had him climb in bed with him.

As I held McKay tonight my thoughts were full of families whose children, not much younger than McKay, are missing tonight. I'm sure they would give anything to cuddle them close one more time.  My heart and mind have been full of thoughts and prayers for them all day.  It is events like this that gives rise to the fear that has hidden in my mother's heart from the moment I knew I was pregnant with my first child, the fear of losing them.  If I give place for this fear you just might find me in the wee hours of the night sitting in the middle of my room, lights blazing, calling out for someone to comfort me.  

It is at times like this that I remember that there is Someone who will come to me when I call.  Paul called him the "God of all comfort," and I have felt that comfort too many times to think He would not come.  He quickly puts my fears to rest and reminds me that He is watching over me and mine, that our lives are in his hands.  He reminds me that he sent his Son for this very reason, to bring comfort and hope.  So perhaps tonight after prayers are said and I climb into my bed I will whisper, "Will you cuddle me?" and I have no doubt that the peace that comes from being held in my Father's arms will be mine.