Day 18: The Repentance Bench

Although I wish "love at home" was always the rule for this home, it isn't.  There are times when there is a lot of love and peace here.  But, we also have a fair share of fighting, selfishness and teasing.  I've tried all kinds of things to get kids not to fight, but I haven't found the perfect solution.  One thing we do use is the Repentance Bench, an idea I got from Linda and Richard Eyre.

The Repentance Bench is a way for our children to reconcile their differences.  When kids have been fighting, instead trying to figure out who caused what we simply send them to the piano bench where they sit together.  We then go in and ask each child what they did wrong.  Then they have the opportunity of making things right.  They say they are sorry, ask for forgiveness and then give each other a hug.

Each of these steps are important as they are part of the process of repentance.

1- Admitting that you have done something wrong.  If allowed to, children will always blame the other person (don't we all like to blame someone else?).  The beauty of acknowledging guilt is that it makes them take responsibility for their actions.  Often times, but not always, it humbles them.

2- Apologizing and asking forgiveness is one of the ways they begin restitution for their actions.  We have them say, "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?"  Sometimes children do this grudgingly, but I still think it has value.  It gives them practice in saying they are sorry.  It helps them recognize that their actions affect others and it humbles them.

Asking forgiveness is another humbling part of this experience.  They are asking for something only the other person can give.  When they say yes that they will forgive they are letting go of their anger and letting their relationship heal.

3- Hugging each other is positive way of reconnecting.  This part of the process usually comes with giggles, especially from young children.  Hugging is a physical way in which they say they are not going to be angry any more, they are going to be friends again.

This Repentance Bench is easiest with pre-school and school age children.  At this age children don't have too much of their ego/pride invested in themselves.  They easily admit what they did wrong and readily forgive.  It's harder with older children.  They can't seem to let go as easily.  They want to be right.  They want justice.  Sometimes with older children I have to send them away for awhile to cool off.  Then they can come back and go through process.

Almost always we use this experience to remind them of the gift repentance is.  We remind them that because of Jesus Christ they can begin again, they can let go of hurt and forgive.  We all make mistakes, but the atonement gives us another chance.